Strings

I have to apologize in advance for this post, kids. If emotional/relationshipanal stuff isn't your thing to read, skip this and check back next week for normally scheduled ditherings.

Why the hell is there such a term as a "no strings" relationship? Who in their right mind could possibly think that could work? If you're the type of person that can honestly sleep with someone and form no emotional attachment whatsoever, I really need you to give me a call because I want your secret. In fact, I will pay you all of the money I have if you teach me how to feel nothing the next day.

Maybe it has to do with being a woman. I don't wanna believe that, but it seems to me that guys are a lot better about not forming emotional attachments to things. Maybe it's honestly just me. I told myself that I was exploring, that I was free, that I was empowering myself. I told myself not to get involved and assumed it would be as simple as that.

What I did is I fed myself a bunch of bullsh*t, and what's worse is, I knew and I did it anyway. What the hell is wrong with me?

My mom told me yesterday that if she had been told at 19 that she would have wait nearly 10 years before she met my dad, she wouldn't have believed it and wouldn't have wanted to wait. If someone told me that I would have to wait 10 years, I would thank God, because I doubt that I'm going to find him in 50. I'm not the type of girl guys date, or maybe it's just that I don't know how to go about dating in a normal way. Again I ask, what the hell is wrong with me?

Of course I get jealous to hear you talk about other women! I know we're nothing, I know it was my choice, and I know it's over. But what the hell do you think I am, made of stone? I did this to myself, I get it. I really do. In a way, the fact that there is nothing to end, that I don't even get a break-up, seens worse.

I can't even get any material out of it. I'm set off by the slightest thing, I feel like crying or kicking, or getting as far away as a possibly can.

Anyone who ever says to you that there can be friends with benefits or a relationship with no strings, or that there can be casual sex with no feelings hurt is lying to you. It's simply a big fat lie, and don't accept any other answer.