Starting Over-Goals Revisited

Yeah, I know, it's been approximately 27 years since I've updated this thing. Oh well, what can I say? My life happens, I get lazy.

So, one of the very first posts I made on this fantastical blog of love and magic was regarding my goals for the summer. I'm less than proud to report that the moment I committed those thoughts to writing, they flew out of my mind, and for a while there I really lost my way. Maybe it was easier not to blog because I can't lie on this thing. Fingers just won't type the untrue words.

The good news is, I'm willing to try again. That's the real message of the new year. I got into a discussion with this man a few weeks ago about what and what does not constitute a New Year's Resolution, capital "R". But the truth is, I think both of us were missing the point. The NYR isn't about what you decide to do, what not to do, it's not about where it originated, it's not even really about how good you are at sticking to it. The point is that New Year fills us with hope. It's the one time of year that nothing is too shameful, no mountain is too big, no goal seems unattainable. We all feel ambitious about our potential for renewal, and even though the concept of the New Year's Resolution, capital "R" may be silly, the hope it brings isn't.

So that's my goal for the year, bloggers. I'm going to try to be true to myself. I'm going to keep the hope, and realize that just because renewal doesn't always go the way you plan, it doesn't mean you can't try again. I wish all of you luck and my dream is that you all can find that excitement for renewal all year.

These Things Happen

Sometimes, you're stuck in Iowa for the summer and you have a migraine that lasts for three days.

But sometimes, you turn on Ovation TV to discover a 2-hr. documentary on the making of the musical "The Phantom of the Opera", followed by a 1-hr. documentary on Hal Prince. And then it's okay.

Strings

I have to apologize in advance for this post, kids. If emotional/relationshipanal stuff isn't your thing to read, skip this and check back next week for normally scheduled ditherings.

Why the hell is there such a term as a "no strings" relationship? Who in their right mind could possibly think that could work? If you're the type of person that can honestly sleep with someone and form no emotional attachment whatsoever, I really need you to give me a call because I want your secret. In fact, I will pay you all of the money I have if you teach me how to feel nothing the next day.

Maybe it has to do with being a woman. I don't wanna believe that, but it seems to me that guys are a lot better about not forming emotional attachments to things. Maybe it's honestly just me. I told myself that I was exploring, that I was free, that I was empowering myself. I told myself not to get involved and assumed it would be as simple as that.

What I did is I fed myself a bunch of bullsh*t, and what's worse is, I knew and I did it anyway. What the hell is wrong with me?

My mom told me yesterday that if she had been told at 19 that she would have wait nearly 10 years before she met my dad, she wouldn't have believed it and wouldn't have wanted to wait. If someone told me that I would have to wait 10 years, I would thank God, because I doubt that I'm going to find him in 50. I'm not the type of girl guys date, or maybe it's just that I don't know how to go about dating in a normal way. Again I ask, what the hell is wrong with me?

Of course I get jealous to hear you talk about other women! I know we're nothing, I know it was my choice, and I know it's over. But what the hell do you think I am, made of stone? I did this to myself, I get it. I really do. In a way, the fact that there is nothing to end, that I don't even get a break-up, seens worse.

I can't even get any material out of it. I'm set off by the slightest thing, I feel like crying or kicking, or getting as far away as a possibly can.

Anyone who ever says to you that there can be friends with benefits or a relationship with no strings, or that there can be casual sex with no feelings hurt is lying to you. It's simply a big fat lie, and don't accept any other answer.

If You Deep Fry It, They Will Come...

Let's talk about Cheesecake Factory for a moment, okay?

Let's forget that I got screwed over by the Apple Store at Keystone and somehow wound up with a brand new laptop.

Let's forget that I'm in the messy middle of what can't even be described as a "break-up" because it wasn't a "relationship" in the first place.

While we're at it, we're gonna go ahead and forget about the cornucopia of drama that is my family.

For now, we're gonna talk about corn fritters.

I cannot for the life of me understand why the hell Lafayette is not home to a Cheesecake Factory! Yes, I'm sometimes ashamed of my Michael Scott-like love of chain restaurants, but honestly, Cheesecake Factory should barely even count. I could probably go to the place once a week for the rest of my life and never order the same thing. Yesterday, after gorging myself on bread (by the way, God bless restaurants that bring you free bread before the meal), I sampled the lovely deep fried corn fritters, upholding my theory that if you bread it and deep fry it, it will be good. I ate me some salmons and fries and finished with a piece of lemon raspberry cheesecake, and while I had to be rolled out of the booth Violet Beauregard style, the pointing, staring, and threat of legal action was entirely worth it.

This place gets bonus points because they will (and have...) deliver a cheesecake directly to my front door. I'm thinking they should delve into the nightclub industry. They could have a smoky kind of Nu-Bar concept called The Factory...yeah, really I don't care. Just bring Cheesecake Factory to Lafayette. God knows we have every other restaurant known to man.

I have two questions that I would like to ask the universe at large, or at least the bloggers that be.

1. Why do electrical devices hate me?
I've been through a mess of cellphones. I'm hard on them. I've come to expect it. You name it, I've done it. Dropped it, lost it, glued it shut, cracked the screen, cracked the outside, cooked it, overcharged it, fried the electrics....the only thing I've never done is drop it in the toilet it.

...that is, until this Saturday, where I reached in and pulled it out of its watery grave. It FREAKED OUT. The thing was completely submerged for about 5 seconds or less before I it out, and it would not stop {VIBRRRRRRATIIIING}. I had to take the battery out to make the damn thing shut up. Well, it was pretty dead. I read online that they recommend putting your phone in dry rice to absorb the water. Grandpa thought that if I put it in silica gel, the stuff they put in shoes that say "DO NOT EAT", and which you can also use in powder form to dry plants, it would dry. Bingo, the things works better than ever after a day in the crap. Go Grandpa.

Meanwhile, my Macbook is trying to commit suicide, won't boot, has a corrupted hard drvie, a CD stuck in the CD drive, and a bad attitude.

Why can't I accomplish things ahead of time?
This has turned into more than procrastination-it's like there's something physically wrong with me that I can't do any quality work on a project until I'm down to the wire. I guess I should have realized that I'm enough of a drama queen that I thrive on pressure, but honestly, for my stomach's sake, I would rather have a paper written a week before. But whenever I sit down to work, unless it's the night before, I just write crap. WTF, life?!

On the bright side, it's less than one month until I travel to Oklahoma to visit my best, oldest friend. TRAVEL!

Every Job You Take

Well, I went to the damn temp agency and let me say these things.

a). It's 2009. It is not 1999, and it's CERTAINLY not 1989, but if you suddenly woke up in the agency's office of Greater Lafayette and took in the decor around you, you would expect to turn on your TV to see footage of David Hasselhoff helping people knock down the Berlin Wall. Unless you were born after 1989, in which case you're probably asking yourself who David Hasselhoff is right now.

Anyway, this wallpaper was probably put up at the time George Bush was taking office, and not the plucky Texan Bush, either. I'm talking about I'm pretty sure this shit came from late 80's Sears. It was turquoise and it was peeling. The carpet, the chairs, the tacky fake plants...good God. And the pictures of their employees of the month...the last time they had a new one was November of 1991....should this be a bad sign?

b) Microsoft Word sucks. They had this flash-based test I had to take that demonstrated my knowledge of Word 2003, and I'm actually suprised at how much stuff I had to think about doing. For the most part, I was pretty fine with the test with the exception of any questions dealing with the formatting, reproduction, coloring, shading, or data-entering of tables. By the time the test was over, I felt luck to be able to READ a table.

To end on a positive, after the interview was over, I had lunch at Red Seven (RedSeven? Red7?), or as I like to call it, the new frou frou oui oui pee pee dee dee bar located in downtown Lafayette across from the currently busted up Riehle Plaza. I have to HIGHLY recommend this place-the atmosphere was so trendy and cool, and while I was there they played no less than three songs by The Police. My burger went down even better to the dulcet tones of Sting, my 3rd husband. This restaurant would be perfect for a date, a business meeting, or an after dark club place (not that I would know, since I'm 19). I then went to the Rich Ladies Thrift Shop (which is actually called Second Glance and is next to Once Upon A Child, Pizza Hut, and the movie theatre) and got some fantastic clothes and accessories.

I've realized that I adore downtown Lafayette! If it was an hour closer to Chicago, I would see no reason to live anywhere else. But it's not, so I do.

All my der will come ter...

With Spring Break and Children of Eden over, and the summer looming on the horizon, I've decided that it's time to set some life goals. That way, come August, I can have a beer (non-alcoholic of course ;) ) and see how spectacularly I have failed.

Not that I hope to fail, but now when I work it out, it will be a nice surprise, right?

1. Figure out the school situation
I left Ball State at the end of the Fall '08 semester, for several reasons that I'll probably write about in a future post, but suffice to say I needed things to come to a halt for a spell. Still reeling, but I think this has turned out to be a good decision for me. I'm not worried about the extra time it's going to take to finish up, I just really needed to think, think, think. Admittedly, I've kept myself pretty busy to avoid doing this, so this really must happen over the summer. Should I go back? When? If not, what am I going to do instead?

Which leads me to...

2. Figure out the perfomance thing
More than one person on more than one occasion has mentioned to me that I should move to the city (New York or Chicago) and audition for things, and then decide what, if anything, I want to go back to school to do. I'm nowhere near being financially ready to do this yet on a permanent basis, but the thought is ever tempting. Even if i don't move, I know it's time to move on from community theatre. Not knocking, it's just I know I want more. Also, I want to get really serious about my songwriting and I need to start figuring out how to do at least semi-regular gigs/performance opportunities/MONEY.

Which segues quite nicely into...

3. Money. Learn how to hold on to. Enough said.

4. Guys
Not so much getting one, but making myself okay with not having one. I have learned recently that I'm not of the friendly-beneficial persuasion. In other words, to me, there is no such thing as "no strings". It doesn't exist. Exploring is fine, but let's not call it what it's not.

5. Weight
Lose it? Maintain it? This is at the bottom of the list for a reason-I'm not really concerned about it, but who doesn't want to fit into a smaller dress size? We'll see what happens. I mean, something's gotta drop if I'm chasing a 5-year-old all summer, right?

This can happen. Absolutely.